So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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