Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
