I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
