She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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