i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
