you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize