jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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