I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
