i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
