When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize