I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
do herpes really smell.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
