SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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