Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
