Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
