she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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