I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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