shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I miss vodka workout Fridays
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
