i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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