I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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