He uses pillows to masturbate.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
