I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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