I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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