yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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