I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
