Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
