:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
