guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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