When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I will pee on everything he values.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
