i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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