what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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