Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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