she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
