so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
