Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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