If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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