apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
