Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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