The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need a burrito and a hug.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
