Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
