The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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