Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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