once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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