So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
