I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
