Only a mothe r could love this liver
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
There's even glitter on my cock...
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