And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
