Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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