Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
