wakey wakey hands off snakey
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
