We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
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I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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