It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
