My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
