your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
