see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
