wakey wakey hands off snakey
please come you make the beer taste better
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
