So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
my liver is dry heaving
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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