worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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