She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
