I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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