There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
