Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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