don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
