Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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