oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
