Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
