my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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