i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
