Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize