I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
