I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
