Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
