I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
