she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
