You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
