Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
