yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize