I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
