your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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