the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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