Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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