At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
