I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
