Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
