It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
