I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
