So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
God, I missed his penis.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
