whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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