Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize