I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize