Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think my moral compass just broke
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
