I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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