you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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