my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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