Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
